Does it bug you when children answer back, shout at their parents, barge past other people, roll their eyes, or leave a battlefield of food on the floor even though they’re old enough to know better? You’re not alone — and the good news is that manners can be taught, gently and consistently, over time. Here are 7 simple ways to help your child develop good manners.
What Are Good Manners Anyway?
Good manners in one culture, or in one period of history, aren’t necessarily good manners in another. Often we don’t even realise where our own customs came from.
Have you ever wondered how “ladies first” became a rule of etiquette in much of Europe? In earlier days, before proper sanitation and plumbing, dirty water was sometimes thrown out of upstairs windows onto the street below, and an unlucky pedestrian could get an unwelcome soaking. A gentleman would help a lady reach the shelter of a building as quickly as possible — hence, ladies first.
But in parts of Africa in earlier times, good manners meant the man entered the house first, in case a snake or some other unwelcome creature was waiting inside. A well-mannered man went in first, to protect his family.
Just one small example of how manners are shaped differently by different cultures and different eras.
When you think about why manners matter, it really comes down to people living co-operatively together — thinking about other people’s needs as well as your own. The elderly person struggling to lift something heavy. The pregnant woman who needs a seat on the bus. Genuine appreciation of a gift or a kindness shown to us.
When we want our children to have good manners, what we’re really doing is helping them learn to think of others as well as themselves.
How To Help Your Child Develop Good Manners
#1. Model the Good Manners You Want Your Child to Acquire
We often tell our children “don’t interrupt” — but sometimes we interrupt them. We tell them not to answer back, but sometimes we cut them short when they’re trying to express something to us. Children learn manners far more from what we do than from what we say.
#2. Remember Your Child’s Developmental Stage
Think about your child’s stage of development, and whether they have any particular challenges. A young child isn’t always going to perceive another person’s perspective, and hasn’t yet developed the social skills to interact the way we’d consider appropriate every time. Help them gently learn from you what’s expected, at a pace that fits where they’re at.
#3. Be Aware of Hunger, Tiredness and Big Feelings
A child who is hungry, angry, anxious, lonely, unwell or tired is far less likely to be co-operative or sensitive to others. Bad manners often erupt when a child isn’t feeling okay in themselves. Before reacting to a lapse in manners, it’s worth pausing to check whether there’s an underlying reason behind it.
#4. Avoid Correcting Them Publicly
If you need to talk to your child about their manners, avoid correcting them in front of other people wherever possible — calling out a mistake in public can be demeaning. If we want our children to treat other people with respect, that starts with us showing them the same respect we’d like for ourselves. Wait for a quiet, calm moment to gently discuss what happened. Ask them to imagine how the other person might have felt, or share how it made you feel if it was directed at you.
#5. Remind Ahead of Time
When you’re heading into a public setting — the shops, a museum, a library, or visiting a home that isn’t especially child-friendly — remind young children ahead of time about the behaviour you expect. A quick, friendly heads-up before you arrive works far better than a correction once things have already gone wrong.
#6. Avoid Laughing About Their Behaviour
Try not to laugh about a child’s rude behaviour as though it’s cute, especially if it’s something you’d consider unacceptable in an older child. How will your child know something isn’t okay if you’ve smiled at that same behaviour when they were younger?
#7. Use Everyday Moments to Talk About Good Manners and Why They Matter
Use real-life situations — and things you watch together on screen — as gentle talking points. Don’t lecture. Instead, say how you’d feel if someone did that to you, or ask your child what they think. TV shows and films often feature shouting, slamming doors, eye-rolling and interrupting, sometimes even played for laughs, and children can pick up on these behaviours without us realising it. Use these moments to talk about what the other person might be feeling, and how they could express what they need without resorting to rudeness.
One insight worth sharing: manners rarely click overnight. They build gradually, through repetition, modelling and lots of patient, low-key conversations rather than one big lesson.
Frequently Asked Questions
At what age should I start teaching my child manners?
You can start modelling and gently encouraging good manners from toddlerhood, keeping expectations realistic for their age. Young children are still developing the social skills and self-control needed to consistently manage manners, so patience and repetition matter more than early perfection.
What if my child seems to have more trouble with manners than other children their age?
Some children need extra time, support or a different approach to build social skills, and that’s completely normal. If you have ongoing concerns about your child’s behaviour or development, it’s worth speaking with your GP, public health nurse, or your child’s teacher, who can point you toward appropriate support.
How do I correct my child’s manners without embarrassing them?
Save the conversation for a private, calm moment rather than addressing it in front of others. Focus on how the behaviour made someone feel, and invite your child to think about the other person’s perspective, rather than simply telling them off.
Why do my child’s manners seem to get worse before they get better?
Manners often slip when a child is tired, hungry, anxious or overwhelmed. A dip in manners is frequently a sign of an underlying need rather than defiance, so it’s worth checking in on how your child is feeling before addressing the behaviour itself.
More Parenting Tips You’ll Love
If this article was useful, you might also enjoy:
- 40 Good Manners For Kids (and Adults!)
- 5 Key Tips For What To Do When Your Child Is Acting Out
- 10 Simple Ways for Parents to Stop Themselves Yelling at Kids
- How To Discipline Your Kids – 4 Tips for the Proactive Parent
- Teaching Your Child How To Be Grateful And How To Say Thank You
Save These Tips for Later
Manners take time to build, so it helps to have these ideas on hand for the moments you need them. Bookmark this article or save it to your parenting toolkit so you can come back to it whenever a good-manners refresher is useful.
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